Shame is an insidious emotion that can have a profound impact on our lives, especially during midlife. For many women, shame manifests in various ways—whether it’s related to past decisions, unmet expectations, or the pressure to live up to societal standards. In a recent episode of the "Rising Strong: Midlife Burnout & Resilience" podcast, I had an enlightening conversation with Kyira Wackett, a licensed mental health therapist and expert on shame and burnout. Together, we explored how shame shows up in midlife and discussed actionable steps to overcome it.
Understanding the Roots of Shame
Shame often stems from a deep-seated belief that we are somehow not good enough. This feeling can be rooted in childhood experiences, societal pressures, or internalized messages that we’ve carried throughout our lives. In midlife, these feelings can intensify as we reflect on our past choices and measure ourselves against where we thought we’d be. Kyira explained that recognizing these origins is the first step in dismantling the power that shame holds over us.
The Hidden Impact of Shame
Shame can be paralyzing, leading to feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and a reluctance to pursue our goals. It often shows up as an inner critic, constantly reminding us of our perceived failures or shortcomings. This can be especially challenging in midlife when we may already be navigating significant changes, such as shifts in career, family dynamics, or physical health. Kyira emphasized that understanding how shame manifests in our lives is crucial for breaking free from its grip.
Practical Steps to Overcome Shame in Midlife
Name It to Tame It: The first step in overcoming shame is to acknowledge it. By naming the specific thoughts or feelings that are contributing to your shame, you can begin to take control of them. Kyira suggests journaling as a way to explore these emotions and gain clarity on their origins.
Challenge Your Inner Critic: Shame often fuels a harsh inner critic that undermines our self-worth. Start by questioning the validity of these negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or simply outdated beliefs? Replace them with more compassionate and realistic self-talk.
Seek Connection: Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group can help you realize that you’re not alone. Kyira highlighted the importance of building a supportive community where you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that your worth is not defined by your perceived shortcomings. Kyira pointed out that self-compassion is a powerful antidote to shame, allowing you to move forward with greater resilience.
Breaking the Cycle
Shame can be a formidable barrier, but it doesn’t have to define your midlife experience. By recognizing its presence, challenging its narratives, and embracing self-compassion, you can begin to break free from shame’s hold. As Kyira and I discussed in the podcast, overcoming shame is a journey—one that requires patience, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.
I invite you to listen to the full episode with Kyira Wackett, where we dive deeper into the complexities of shame and offer more strategies to help you rise strong in midlife. This conversation could be the first step in your journey to a more empowered and joyful life. Listen HERE.
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